hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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