I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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