now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The uberlube is also flammable
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
