I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
