she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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