my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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