Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
