i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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