Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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