Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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