Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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