need another drink. this is the easiest way
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dicks are not precious.
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