I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
