Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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