WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
