i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
