Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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