He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
