So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
