I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
