I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
