just survived the first fart of the relationship.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
