If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need to calm my uterus...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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