Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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