Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
