Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
