she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
3 2 1 whiskey
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
