I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
