sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm getting married
To pizza
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
