So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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