Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
