The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
