Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
