There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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