he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
