Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
