roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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