I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
