I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
