remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
