I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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