you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
