I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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