If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
