I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
