The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
