You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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