Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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