somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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