I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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