he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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